Der Unterschied zwischen Verliebtheit und Liebe
Natürlich kann die Idee von einem Seitensprung verführerisch wirken. Das nutzen die Seitensprung-Agenturen ja ständig für ihre Lügengeschäfte aus.
Im Zustand der Verliebtheit wird eigentlich alles übersehen, was unter normalen Bedingungen keinen Gefallen fände. Dies gilt natürlich genauso für Menschen außerhalb der festen Beziehung, zu denen man sich hingezogen fühlen kann.
Die Liebe in der Partnerschaft beginnt, wenn nicht mehr genug Verliebtheit besteht, um die Schwächen des anderen zu verdecken. Wenn man dann zusammenbleibt, lernt, die Eigenheiten des anderen zu ertragen (den anderen gut leiden zu können), dann kann man sich mit viel Glück sogar in die eine oder andere Schwäche des anderen verlieben.
Achtung: Selbstverliebtheit kann schnell mit Liebe verwechselt werden. Wenn einem Insassen einer längeren Beziehung von einer anderen Frau Komplimente gemacht werden (oder einer Frau von einem anderen Mann), dann kann das schnell verlockend wirken. Das Ego plustert sich auf, man erfährt Neues über sich, endlich jemand, der die Wahrheit über das Wesen erkennt, das zu Hause nicht gesehen wird – und schon hat man sich verliebt. Aber nicht in die andere Person, sondern vor allem in sich selbst. „Da ist endlich mal wieder ein Mensch, der mich bewundert, mir Komplimente macht und mich erkennt – nicht so wie daheim.“
Natürlich ist nicht jede Beziehung zu retten. Es gibt Fälle, da ist es vorbei. Nur stellt sich die Frage, wer diesen Zeitpunkt feststellen, wer mit Sicherheit sagen kann: „So, das war es jetzt, laut Diagnoseverzeichnis XY ist dies das typische Ende der Beziehung.“ Wer die Krise einer Beziehung erlebt, in der bereits viel Gutes war, in der es Kinder gibt, hat meist mehr Möglichkeiten, als dies den Anschein hat. Die Möglichkeiten sind nur nicht sofort sichtbar. Weil man sich im Zorn befindet, weil man nachträgt usw.
Fremdgehen bringt nichts Gutes.
Fremdgehen ist das Hintergehen des anderen.
Fremdgehen macht ein schlechtes Gewissen.
Fremdgehen birgt gesundheitliche Risiken.
Fremdgehen ist ein Bruch mit dem Menschen, der einem vertraut.
Fremdgehen kann die Familie zerstören.
Fremdgehen kann das Vermögen vernichten, wenn danach alles zerbricht.
Die Konsequenzen von Fremdgehen werden auf die Kinder vererbt, wenn diese in zerbrochenen Familien aufwachsen.
Vielleicht macht dieses Bild ein wenig Hoffnung, gemeinsam weiterzusuchen nach neuen Wegen: Welcher Arzt würde während einer komplizierten Operation den Patienten einfach liegenlassen und den OP-Saal verlassen, weil er „keine Lust mehr hat auf das Theater“?
Konzeption und Text: Johannes Faupel, freier Fachjournalist und Texter, Weiterbildung in systemischer Therapie und Beratung (SG, IGST), 23 Jahre verheiratet
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